Is marriage on the To Do List?

I will never forget the day one of my male friends voiced his opinion that being in a relationship gives one status, implying that single individuals were below those in relationships on the popular scale. I remember not quite agreeing with what he said, but also not knowing how to respond. Years later I have come to the conclusion that he was probably right in terms of the way society thinks, however wrong in the way that we should actually think.

Being single is a gift. I never used to think like this but after reading the book ‘The heart of singleness’ by Andrea Trevenna, my perspective completely changed. I realised that there are so many positives and advantages to being single. Not only this but we often dwell on the negatives due to the social pressures we experience. For example those aunties at church on a weekly basis asking you ‘Have you found a man yet?’ This really should not be the norm within church circles, it simply does not help females who are feeling the pressure already and implies that females should be looking for their spouse.

Trevenna also posed the peculiar point that we should not assume that we are supposed to be married, but should question whether it is God’s purpose for us to be married. So for the first time in my life I found myself praying whether it was God’s purpose for me to be married. And if it wasn’t God’s will he would remove the desire from my heart. Ladies, I believe this is a prayer that we all should be praying. Do not assume just because you want to be married, you are supposed to be married. Would you rather be in a miserable marriage or live a relatively happy single carefree life, fulfilled in many other ways? Have you even stopped to think about whether you actually want to be married, or whether it’s those church aunties that have placed the desire for marriage in your heart?

Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with what I have written, please stay awake for the next few points…

1. Before entering any relationship you need to be content with your singleness. You need to be happy alone. Thinking that a man is necessary to define you or to bring you joy is dangerous ground. Thinking this can easily lead to a toxic relationship. If you don’t know your worth, a man who is unconverted most certainly won’t. Just think if you have the mindset that you need a man in your life to be happy, if he treats you less than you deserve, there is no way you will have the courage to leave him. Why? Because your worth and happiness is wrapped up in your toxic relationship.

2. When you want something so badly, chances are God cannot give you that person/ thing, because you are likely to make it an idol. Now I’m not saying that it’s wrong to desire a relationship (it’s often a God-given desire), but I am saying wanting it to the point of desperation is not healthy.

3. I remember listening to a question and answer session (on NEC Youth’s podcasts) with the Conway’s and I remember Tammy saying that as Christian females we say we believe this omnipotent God who did all the miracles of the Old Testament (e.g. parting the Red Sea in perfect timing) but yet we don’t believe that God can find us a man? If it God’s will for you to be married, it will happen. God is not too busy to find you or I a husband.

4. God’s timing is perfect! Extremely cliche I know and I also know that a lot of the time it certainly doesn’t feel like it. But just think if your knight and shining armour were to come along right now, if you evaluate where you are in every aspect of your life, would that relationship last ’til marriage? Or would it be messed up because you weren’t ready?

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Wait on God and if it is his will for you to be married, he will bring you your husband in his perfect timing.

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. {Psalm 27:14}

2 Replies to “Is marriage on the To Do List?”

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