Allow Situationships!

Define Situationship: ‘A relationship that has no label on it.. like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.’

This definition is from the Urban Dictionary . So simply put, a situationship is somewhere between a situation and a relationship. When I think of a situationship I think of stagnancy, zero movement (you’d be better off watching paint dry). A situationship is somewhere I imagine most people find themselves at least once in their lifetime. A situationship is certainly not the story of boy meets girl, boy and girl live happily every after. More like boy meet girls, girl likes boy or boy likes girl, and boy/girl gets there time wasted, become upset or heart broken and are less hopeful and less trusting for their next situationship or actual relationship.

#WasteHisTime2016! Now I don’t have Twitter but I was watching The Real Daytime and they were discussing this hashtag. I literally was laughing aloud at the video. But later started contemplating the magnitude of the underlying message, which actually inspired this blog post. It’s comical because when we typically think of situationships, we often think of males wasting females’ time. I found it hilarious, females getting their own back on males by giving them a taste of their medicine, taking the power back.

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As I said we automatically think of males wasting females time, but these days I think females are getting to the point where we really are living the WasteHisTime hashtag. I think we as females often pretend that we don’t know what we’re doing, when we know exactly the effect that we’re having on that nice guy, using our God given resources and powers with which to achieve it!

On Sabbath, I was in church and the woman sitting next to me was holding her cute granddaughter, who was holding a pot of crayons. Cute granddaughter accidentally spills her crayons on the floor. Woman puts granddaughter on the ground so she can pick up her crayons. But before she even gets there, cute boy is already on the ground searching and collecting her crayons (God built men to be chivalrous). Woman picks up cute granddaughter again. This time granddaughter drops crayons on purpose and looks at cute boy to search and collect once again. Cute boy collects crayons for cute girl again. I hope you understand the point that I’m trying to get across right here. We as females see the power we have over that male and once we understand our power, abuse our power and WasteHisTime, and have the audacity to act all cute and innocent while doing so.

I think when we waste one another’s time, we forget that we are wasting our own time. In that time we could have been doing something productive! Let’s be mindful, especially my fellow Christians, time is God given and one day God will want an account of how we spent our time (scary but true). Time is our most valuable resource; it is something that you can never get back. So be jealous over how you spend your time and whom you spend that time with. I encourage you to spend your time trying to build yourself as a person and build valuable relationships with friends and family.

Anyway, lets get focusing on the relationship part of this post! So you may say ‘Olivia, situationships are impossible to avoid.’ And I would respond by saying ‘Maybe, but we can avoid staying in them longer than necessary.’ Now I can accept that the line between friendship and something more is a hard line to sometimes tread. However when in a friendship with the opposite sex we simply have to be slightly more mindful. So to the men out there, unless you’re properly planning to pursue that beautiful woman you’ve been speaking to none stop, do her a favour and either establish that you value your friendship with her so much you think you’re going to remain friends (nothing more) indefinitely or inform her of your pure intentions to pursue her properly. And to my women, if you have no interest in that handsome man who is pursuing you, simply let him know either directly or do not speak to him so intently.

There’s a verse in the bible that basically says protect your heart! I know that females are often told this, but males you need to do this also. Just remember that all these situationships and relationships you entertain are going to have some sort of impact on your relationship with your future spouse.

‘Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.’ Proverbs 4:34 NLT

So how does one avoid a situationship? I think Maya Angelou answers this question perfectly. She says…

‘Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.’

1)Pacing the relationship is what Maya is saying here. Establish a stable friendship before entering a situationship or relationship. Just think if this person is your future spouse, you’re going to have a long time to stare into those brown eyes. There is absolutely no need to rush. Enjoy the journey. Remember you can never get the early stages with your future spouse back. Don’t make a situationship your number one priority (gurl/ guy he/ she hasn’t even defined you yet!) Basically don’t give them your everything when they are yet to give you anything.

2)What goes around, comes back around. Now I don’t believe in karma but I do believe that we will be judging for how we conduct ourselves with others. We will reap what we sow. So be kind to others, if your intentions towards the opposite sex are not pure, leave them alone!

3)Waste each others time. I’ve been assuming for the majority of this post that you want to avoid a situationship. This is for those of you who do not. If you both agree that you both want to engage in a situationship (though I’ll never be able to understand why lol) make sure you’re both mutually benefitting from this waste of time relationship.

4)ASK!! So simple yet something that I don’t believe many people do. Simply ask the guy or girl you’re in a situationship with, whether your situationship is ever going to progress into a relationship? Yes! A relationship with real labels and real dates! (If they’re not prepared to even define you, they’re probably never going to be prepared to house you lol.) Yes this might be extremely awkward. But what would you rather him waste your time for the duration of 2017 and then walk off into the sunset with Becky instead of you or simply go through an awkward 15 minute conversation and know exactly what you are to him?

5)Time limit. If you don’t think you’re up to asking them to define your relationship. Give them a certain amount of time e.g. two weeks or a month or maybe you’re feeling generous with 6 months. Put that time limit in your calendar and if they don’t define you by then, downgrade your situationship to a friendship and ensure that they’re also aware of this downgrade.

‘To trifle with hearts is a crime of no small magnitude in the sight of a holy God.’ – {Letters to Young Lovers}

I hope that this post will save you time, energy and emotions. X

3 thoughts on “Allow Situationships!

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