Why does one leave church after dating a Christian?

I’ve seen this story too many times to count. It goes something along the lines of this…

Female/ male finally settles down will ‘good’ Christian man/ woman. Man and woman court (intentional dating) for a few months (or even) for a few years. Male/ female decide to hurt girlfriend/ boyfriend by manipulating them, or leading them on, or cheating on them, or using the name of God to justify their wrongs or simply waste their time.

Hurt man/ woman decide to leave church or decide to stop dating Christians (it’s human nature to generalise, even if they have only suffered one poor experience).

Why? They have put their trust, energy, emotions and time into a Christian who claims to love them, who claims to represent Christ (which is the definition of a Christian). But all they’ve received from this person is pain, all they’re feeling is pain. They begin to associate the church with pain as opposed to the purposes of the church (love and healing).

Not only this, but there is seemingly no consequences for that ex. They continue to play that piano, or deliver that sermon, or deliver the lesson study at the front of church every Sabbath morning. That male/ female has to continue seeing their ex working in the capacity of a representative of Christ. They are watching their ex talk the gospel talk, but not walking the gospel walk. And even more than this, they may even attend the same church and share mutual friends (who may go on talking highly of their ex). It is no wonder that individual may begin to gag with the hypocrisy. There is no escape.


This morning I went to church. The preacher spoke on the fact that in the church we are all hypocrites by at least some measure. We claim to be Christians, promise God that we are going to at least attempt to live up to his standard, but instead do whatever we please and take our christian brothers and sisters down with us while we’re at it.

And while I agree that we are all hypocrites, as Christian we are supposed to have Christ so greatly in our existence that we are supposed to be changed. We are not supposed to act the same as those outside the church. We are supposed to represent Christ. And yes we are going to have times when we fall, but staying down for months or years and taking your fellow sister or brother down with you? At this point you’ve confused me.

Don’t stay down, get back up! 


For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief. {Proverbs 24:16}


So let’s be mindful of how we treat each other. Let’s treat each other how we would want members of our family to be treated within a relationship.

Remember we will be judged for how we treat one another. And my fellow Christian brothers and sisters we do not want to be even partly responsible for making one of God’s children leave the church. God has a special work for every one of us to do, by allowing the devil to use us, we are reducing God’s work force. So think before you date (especially inside the church) and if you want to casually date, leave it outside the church.

Most importantly, never give another person the deciding influence over your salvation. If someone has hurt you within the church, never hand them the power to force you to leave your home (church becomes a second home).

Just remember your Christianity is a relationship between two entities: you and God. And if you need to give someone who has hurt you within the church something, give them indifference. Love and hate are too powerful and time-consuming, emotions which they do not deserve. So give them indifference and pray for them. At the end of the day we are all sinners saved by grace.


For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, {Ephesians 2:8}.

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