So I just watched a video that resonated with me. The guy said that we’re the generation who find love easily, but find it extremely hard to keep. Why? Well, his thinking was that social media, mainly Instagram, gives us this notion of what the perfect couple should look like. We use this notion as a prototype for what we should be looking for in a relationship and when we don’t find it or come to the hurdles we all of a sudden want to drop him/ her. I’ll add that our expectations have become so high because of this Instagram prototype that we’ll never be satisfied, we are basing our ‘goals’ on relationships highlights.
My sister and I were talking about Terroll and Nakita (Youtubers) a few months back and laughing. Not at the situation, I wouldn’t call break ups funny. However, the dramatic videos that they made following it killed us. These two individuals were many people’s ‘couple goals.’ Why? Terrol is a bad boy turned good, gym bulker, down with the kids type of man. Whereas Nakita is simply stunning, has a body like a cola bottle and has a seemingly candy sweet personality. Many people wanted to have the banter and friendship and love that they ‘had’.
However, they ended up making videos which showed that whatever drama had manifested between the two of them, they most definitely no longer had one another’s backs. The saddest part is the first time I watched one of their videos was the after the dramatics (well at least they’re earning money from our post-breakup clicks, that’s more than some get). Anyway, my point is that everything is not always as it seems. Those couples we see as goals probably have more issues that you and your partner.
A few weeks back, I was talking to one of my friends and she was telling me about her relationship. One thing she seemingly couldn’t understand and found upsetting was that her man, Tony wouldn’t buy her flowers. So I asked, ‘have you ever asked Tony to buy you flowers?’ To which she answered no. ‘So how do you expect Tony to know you want flowers?’ To my friend it seemed obvious. Women love flowers. Tony should know I desire flowers.
I believe that couple goals goes back way further than Instagram, it goes back to us being brought up on Disney. We honestly, as females, expect men to rescue us, to buy us flowers and to bring our glass slipper even if they live in a different time zone. What we don’t know is that while we were watching Disney Princesses they were watching Dragon Ball Z. Men didn’t get the memo! And we as females didn’t get the memo regarding men.
Most loving relationships don’t end because there’s no love. They end because there’s a lack of understanding, a lack of fulfilment and the expectation that life is a Youtube Vlog. It’s not! Relationships take dedication. You’re not going to begin dancing after the first year. You’re going to begin walking together, then you can run and then you can dance. It takes communication. Not just the stuff you want to communicate but the stuff that you find hard and maybe even embarrassing to communicate. Females: like how about communicating to him that you want flowers or buying your own damn flowers. Males: how about communicating to her that you sometimes need space to withdraw for a moment. (Bae can’t come on the mandem dates).It takes realising that couple goals on Instagram aren’t real and don’t exist. (You never know whether that couple you idolise are unhappy or abusing one another. You never know what people are going through).
It takes realising that there will be hurdles and hardships. Love is a principle, meaning that even when you don’t exactly feel like loving, you will love your partner despite it. So stop looking to strangers for the prototype of relationships. Create your own path. Be your own couple goals. Stop expecting perfection from your partner. At the very least only expect what you’re bringing to the table.
As always I hope this helps X